THE HAPPENING ain't Happenin'.

M. Night Shyamalan peaked early in his directorial and writing career. He started with the shocking THE SIXTH SENSE...then it slowly de-evolved from there. He's tackled aliens afraid of water (SIGNS), monsters who turn out to be ourselves (THE VILLAGE), and polar opposite super humans (UNBREAKABLE). This time in THE HAPPENING Shyamalan engages the environment...poorly.

The environment gets as angry at humanity as I did towards Shyamalan for taking an interesting and clever premise and executing it so terribly with stilted acting, illogical storylines, and a weak ending. Shyamalan consistently shows Hitchcockian promise with his unique ideas mixed with an amateur director mentality who doesn't have the chops to pull it off (with the exception of THE SIXTH SENSE).

Not even Mark Walhberg, normally a half-decent and entertaining actor, can save this dretch. I am uncertain if the actors chose an over-the-top cardboard style or this was just the director choosing the worst possible take of every scene in post-production. Whatever the choice, I was thankful that the environment killed off these characters in Stephen King style (i.e. guy gets chopped up laying in front of a ride-on lawnmower).

THE HAPPENING never achieves the climax it foreshadows in the beginning (the first thirty minutes is excellent and suspenseful). As soon as we learn the cause of the suspense, all momentum of this movie fades left with nothing but bad acting, poor directing, and a mediocre script.

5 kicks to the groin out of 10.

The Modern Tale of Dr. Banner and Mr. HULK

Add a fine base of the classic Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde, mix in some radiation and a mutant, stir constantly and bring it to a nice green boil and you've got a healthy helping of THE INCREDIBLE HULK starring Ed Norton, Liv Tyler, and Tim Roth.

THE INCREDIBLE HULK wisely side-steps the terrible and forgettable Ang Lee version of the HULK released in 2003 who used the B-Star power of Eric Bana, no super-villain, and flat-lined storytelling to ruin the franchise with the abomination. The new version of the HULK gives us all that was missing and a definite super-villain named The Abomination. A shout-out to that failed movie? No. The Abomination is one of the Hulk's greatest nemesis from pre-movie days.

Ed Norton brings a healthy tinge of humanity to the green monster. We see (and for those who read the comics, this is nothing new) that The Hulk is a deeper soul than the thickness of his skin and muscle. Rumours tell us that Norton was upset with post-production on this movie because they cut out a lot of scenes which would've allowed Bruce Banner's character to grow in lieu of more action. And that's exactly what I found I was yearning for by the end of the movie, more of Norton's Banner and less Hulk.

Liv Tyler plays her normal sweet girl-next-door persona that she utilizes in most of her movies as Bruce Banner's love interest, Betty Ross. This isn't necessarily a bad thing but I fear that (with the exception of Arwen in LORD OF THE RINGS) this is the only character she can play successfully. And again, I still was waiting for more of her and Banner interacting as when they were together they were golden.

Tim Roth, however, steals the show as Emil Blonsky and his alter-ego The Abomination. Evil, intelligent, flawed, and intense, Tim Roth was an excellent choice as the Hulk's main antagonist.

THE INCREDIBLE HULK roars with intense action, a decent plot, strong characters, a Stan Lee sighting, and a (not-so) subtle nod to another Marvel movie that came out earlier this summer, IRONMAN. I enjoyed this movie and will be looking forward to a sequel.


8 Mutated DNA Strands out of 10

KUNG FU PANDA style!!!

Moral of this story: don't judge a book by it's cover until you got a chance to read and understand the book. I've read and understood this book...er...movie. And it's entirely what you'd expect from the preview (which, by the way, already shows the best parts).

KUNG FU PANDA is a cliche-riddled, hyper-kick action, Pixar animated blah-fest. You've got your wise sensei master, your misunderstood and under-talented student, an evil villain with Dragonball Z type powers, and a remix of the way over used martial arts go-to song "Everybody was Kung-Fu fighting."
Now, to steal a quote from Po, the movie's endearing main character, "I LOVE KUNG-FUUUUUUUUUUU....." but I either like old skool martial arts movies where the cheesy cliches began (like ENTER THE DRAGON), or newer ones that reinvent the genre (Jackie Chan circa 1990's, KILL BILL, CROUCHING TIGER HIDDEN DRAGON, ect). KUNG FU PANDA delivers nothing new to the genre in either martial arts or comedy (the panda acts like Chris Farley in BEVERLY HILLS NINJA).

This movie isn't a total loss. The animation is top notch and the elaborate and entertaining fight sequences are easy to follow and are rarely a blur on the screen. This much I expect from Pixar.

However, I'm finding lately that whenever a brilliantly animated feature stars a huge amount of big name celebrities (this one has Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman, Angelina Jolie, Jackie Chan, Seth Rogen, Lucy Liu, David Cross, and Michael Clark Duncan) it usually equals poor story-telling. Sadly, this holds true for KUNG FU PANDA.

As a result, I've formed a FLICKED UP rule that goes like this: "If an animated movie has greater than three superstar names, the story will suck." Try it out, there are few exceptions to this rule!

Is KUNG FU PANDA horrible? Depends on your tastes. If you're not into martial arts or are not under the age of 12, wait for it on video this Christmas.

5.5 noodle bowls out of 10

(Side note: I'm rather intrigued how bad DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN is if this movie almost doubled it in the box office on the opening weekend.)